RON BUTLER

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I didn’t see it happening at the time, but now 25 years after his death, looking back, I realized my father was my greatest mentor. A father mentoring his child is the way it’s supposed to be in a perfect world, but it actually slipped up on me. The realization revolves around my dad’s lifelong addiction to tobacco. He started smoking at 12 years of age. In his mid 50s, he was smoking three packs of unfiltered camel cigarettes per day. The “smokers pack” was his constant companion, especially as he awoke each morning to start the day. He knew his addiction was killing him. He had tried to change his behavior many times, unsuccessfully. But there did come that certain morning when the miracle occurred. He sat on the bedside and made a declaration. And that declaration changed everything. You will hear more of his story as I tell you mine. 

For as long as I can remember, being purposeful and improving myself was always my mindset. In grade school I was conscious of being “chubby” and not liking it. I wanted to be thin. I didn’t realize our family was considered poor until the local church brought a food basket at Christmas. I remember being glad about the food, but I also remember I didn’t like the “poor” label. I wanted to improve. As early as the second grade I was aware that having a job was a good thing, and necessary if I wanted to improve. There was a mom and pop grocery store across the street from the school. I worked a deal to gather and return pop bottles from recess in exchange for a piece of candy. Having a purpose energized me. From that time on I have never been without a job and without a purpose. A lot like my dad as I now recall. 

I was very fortunate to be a “middle” child, second born of my parents three sons. I was both a big brother and a little brother. Seeing life from both perspectives has been special for me. I can tell you that having a well-grounded big brother to follow has been a key factor in my life. Following my big brother, Bob Butler, always involved elevation and improvement. Every little brother should be so blessed. 

Because Bob played football, I played football, as did my younger brother, Roger. For a period of 10 years there was a Butler on the Madisonville Maroons football team. We considered ourselves a football family. Bob was all American and All-State in high school, receiving scholarship offers from a number of division one colleges. He chose the University of Kentucky. Of course, two years later I followed him to University of Kentucky on my own football scholarship. My playing football in college did not work out due to serious injuries, but getting the scholarship was pivotal in my life because it was my ticket to Lexington, Kentucky, which changed everything because that is where the love of my life was waiting for me. Joyce Lynn Sharp. 

The one thing you must know about Joyce and me, is that right in the heart of Lexington, Kentucky, obscure to most, one of the great love affairs of the twentieth century was being played out. We were that couple. Two crazy, foolish young people who committed their futures to each other within 24 hours of their first date. Who knew what the future held? Her mother was furious! Joyce was the reigning “Miss Lexington”, a beautiful young woman with unlimited possibilities. Why in heavens name would she get committed to a struggling young college senior from Western Kentucky. But what a glorious future it turned out to be. We never missed a “struggle” or “hard time” that all couples encounter. All the challenges with finances, children, career and relationships. It seemed we were exempt from nothing. Now, however, with 55 years of marriage behind us, four successful children, and 10 grandchildren, the love affair is still being played out. One of the main reasons for success has been knowing the secret of the miracle that occurred when my dad made his declaration that morning when he changed his identity. 

Joyce and I were married June 5, 1965 at the Broadway Christian Church in Lexington, Kentucky. When reverend Ard Hoven said, “I now pronounced you man and wife”, we had 7 dollars in our pockets, and a Daytona beach honeymoon on our mind. All our married life our expectations have manifested, starting on our wedding day. We drove out of Lexington with over 400 dollars. Our family and friends gathered, and we stood on their shoulders. Make no mistake, elevation in life requires the shoulders of family and friends. Do not refuse the kindness and never be so foolish as to “take the credit”. 

I have finished my degree in December of 1964 with a Bachelor of Arts degree, major in history and minor in the Russian language, and a teaching certificate allowing me to teach and coach in Kentucky. My first position was with the Fayette county school system as a social studies teacher and assistant football coach at Lexington Lafayette High School. 

Joyce and I had our first two children within 3 years of our marriage. Naturally, along with the children, came all the challenges. As if that was in itself not enough, we decided I would enroll in Law school at UK. To do this required that I work a full time 3rd shift job and go to law school during the day. Lots of shoulders were required and in December of 1971 I graduated from the university of Kentucky law school. Shortly afterwards we moved to my hometown, Madisonville, Kentucky, where I became a partner in the law firm of Nichols, Nicholas, Adams and Butler. I was 28 years old. At the same time, I graduate from law school my dad obtained his high school GED certificate. His determination even then was my inspiration. He was still several years away from making the declaration I mentioned earlier.

At 28, I felt I had assaulted the summit. In addition to being a partner in an established law firm, I was married to Miss Lexington, two beautiful children, a home in a high end neighborhood, joined the country club, bought a new station wagon and Joyce and new diamond ring. We have arrived. 

It took about two years for us to realize there was not really anything on the summit but the cold wind blowing.

We had our third child. The normal challenges continued. In truth we were not unhappy, but we were not satisfied. “There must be more,” we kept saying to each other. We kept dealing with our challenges from the point of our behavior. Change our behavior, change our lives. Not happening. 

Let me fast forward. I arrived at age 41, unsettled, with an intense hunger to elevate. One day my brother bob came through Madisonville from a convention he had attended and gave me a cassette tape by a motivational speaker, Zig Zigler. I had listened to motivational and inspirational speakers my entire life, starting in high school.  I was acquainted with the works of Earl Nightingale, Napoleon Hill, Norman Vincent Peel and As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. All the gurus were saying essentially the same thing, just filtered through their life experience. However, when I listen to Zigler I heard something that changed me. It was something I touched more deeply when applied to dad’s declaration. Zigler said, “I was not paying the price, I was enjoying the price.” He said this in relation to making a particular change in his life. This single sentence caused the shutters on the camera of my mind to click open just enough that I saw it. It’s not about my behavior, it’s always about my identity. That’s what happened when dad made his declaration. “This may kill me, but I am going to die a non-smoker.” In that instance he changed his identity (his self-concept, what he consented to be true about him) to that of a non-smoker. His declaration was “I am a non-smoker.” He cancelled the distance between “I want to be” and “I am”. He changed his identity and never smoked another cigarette, even though the urge never left. That’s where the miracle happens! To say, “I want to be,” is the same as saying “I am not.” “I am what I want to be,” is the miracle. I realize that when I say, “I am”, all the energy of the universe rushes in to fill the spot. 

Now, 32 years after the Zigler tape, I am out declaring that Dynamic Character is the connecting link that cancels the distance between “I want to be” and “I am”. You can live from the “I am” paradigm and overcome the urge to fall back into the “I want to be” paradigm. Your “I am” identity is the director of your behavior, and your behavior sponsors your reality. Life is happening for you, not to you. The energy that flows through you is unending and not of your making, but you are required to shape it and occupy it. Dynamic Character is the art of shaping energy and staying in front of the urge. 

For over 50 years I have been wearing the hat of teacher, coach, preacher and counselor. Through all this I have always considered myself a change agent. That is my passion. Today I identify myself by lumping all four identities together as an itinerant provocateur. In other words, I am a change agent that goes from place to place provoking and challenging individuals who desire to do so to elevate to a higher level.